Have you ever felt like your life has no more meaning, no more passion, and everyday is just a step to the bottom of the pit? That's how I've been feeling a lot lately. I've been so depressed. I'm hoping this is just a phase and that soon I will feel the drive and the need to succeed. The passion to want to do things to help my dreams of becoming a writer and create movies scripts, movies, and do animation, and sing. There are so many things on my to do list that I just feel overwhelmed and do nothing. I feel I've wasted a lot of times and keep doing so. How can I change this? I want to push myself and I can't. All I do is put myself down and focus on the negative events in my life. No matter how I like to push others to do study because it is one of the most important things in life. And no matter I talk to others about my hopes and dreams I can't seem to find myself in this world. Every single thing makes my life worse and complicate things.
I could blame this on many different things that have happened through my life but I always hear people talk about how you should never blame things on others but yourself. You create your own destiny. But, do you really? Maybe if I had been pushed more, the drive to do things would be there. If I spent more time with my family and friends and not so much by myself. Maybe, for many reasons, If I had or had not done many things my life would not lack in certain areas that are now plaguing my future. The only answer may be to just keep going and to not look back. The past is a box that is dangerous to open because in it lies someone that carried me through tough and wonderful times. I envy that someone because she had many qualities that I hated but with time have come to love. She was happy and sad. Beautiful and mad. That person is not who I am now. That person helped me get here, but for some reason we are now two different people.

There are many unpredictable things to come that may be changed if I structure a plan for my life and try to follow a list, but for now I will let myself be guided by the now because there might not be time for the later. And this is not me giving up on life but enjoying every minute that I can rather than rupturing my brain with worries of the future. Every person and everything that I do is the future and I'm trying to give it my best. Trying, because I know that this cannot be my best.