Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Growth

We all learn and grow from our mistakes. We ignore the advise of family and friends and hurt people on the way of making mistakes. There are flaws in all of us and we are bound to hit the lowest of lows as well as the highest of highs. But how can we balance this out? How can we know which advise is the best or which one should be taken or disregarded? I can only pretend to give you the right answer. But no one holds that information and whatever we say it's true to our own opinions, life and perspective.
For example,I have this friend "Tom" and he wants to marry his girlfriend(Casey) of 2 years. He proposed after or before being in the relationship for 1 year. Tom is super romantic and amorous, but he is also a little clueless when it comes to girls. This is his first girlfriend ever and he just turned 21. His girlfriend also cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend (they had sex) and first love, whom she's told that she only feels comfortable and safe and doesn't really love Tom! And Tom is completely and absolutely crazy in love with her!
My other friend, "Jim", thinks he is infatuated with this girl and needs her because he thinks he won't find anybody else. I also think that he does think no one else will like or love him. Jim knows him more than I do and I've known him for over 6 years so I value his opinion. He also thinks that he doesn't love her because when Tom is having problems with Casey he'll tell him that he's INVESTED time on her. Although Jim makes a good point on saying that you don't say that when you love someone I think there is no right way of saying things most of time. I mean, they've been together for 2 years and a few months. Shouldn't they have developed some sort of love by now? Sometimes Jim can be a little too logical and tells me that love is only a chemical in the brain that it's not real. I believe that this may be an extreme way to look at things. I'm not sure if he feels this way cause he has never been in love( he tells me he has) or maybe he's tired of getting his heart broken. Maybe Jim is spending too much time thinking about Tom's relationship with Casey.
Now, this is where I come in. I developed a crush on Tom last year after kissing him at a party while we were both intoxicated. He told me many beautiful things even after the alcohol worn off from both of us. And for some reason he couldn't stop kissing me. After the alcohol began leaving my body I didn't want to kiss him. Anyways, he called me the next morning to ask me out. I felt pressured but said yes. To summarize all the events taken place, he got back with his girlfriend and we didn't talk again. I didn't get in contact with either Jim nor Tom. The things is that Jim had( maybe still has) a crush on me and got really mad I kissed Tom that night. About 6 months later me and Jim start talking again. I ask him about Tom and how he was doing. He seemed to only say negative things about him, sort of to make him seem unattractive to me. That didn't really matter to me because after not seeing Tom for a while I wanted to see him again.
I contacted Tom on myspace and he answered, we exchanged a few messages and I told him how I felt that night after we kissed. To date I have no idea why I developed that crush. Maybe because he was a sensitive guy and I like that. Anyways, he told me he'd never felt what he feels for his girlfriend for any other girl except for that night. I guess his relationship with his girlfriend must've been going bad at the time because after a couple of months he got engaged(again) and the couple was going to get their own apartment. I didn't understand why this was happening after so many things had happened between him and his bipolar girlfriend. Tom confessed to me that he used to be so happy before he met her. Everytime I see him he seems worried or depressed. I keep trying to figure out why he keeps going back with that girl and getting into deeper shit with her. Next thing you know she's going to get pregnant.
I do not know this girl. I may have seen her a couple of times but I try not to judge her because I don't know what she's like when spending time with Tom. Everyone of Jim's friend that know her think she's emotional and has many emotional outbursts. That is why I start to sort of get an idea of the person she is, but sometimes I think Jim is being judgemental and exxagerates the truth. Everytime I speak to him he seems to think that only his perspective is right. Which doesn't mean he is wrong about certain things, but doesn't make him a reliable source. I try to see things from everyone's perspective because I've developed this crush on Tom and care about him. And I don't want to advise him to not wed his fiancée and rethink things through. Rethink his whole relationship, his life, his ambitions and goals( which now seem to have vanished after investing so much time into this relationship). But everyone else in his family an his friends think wedding her is a bad idea. His family is against it and don't really like her( Tom has told me this many times). Sometimes your parents oppose things in your life because they see things someone who's in love can't. That's happened in my family many times before. And all of the time the marriage failed( I'm not kidding. All the time!). The women that married my uncle were crazy( literally! One of them even went to a mental ward). And the man that married my aunt the first time cheated on her. And her second husband tried to sexually abuse a minor. All of these men and women my grandmother and grandfather hated. They warned their kids but in the end let them see their own mistakes.
I don't want to be selfish by giving Tom advise that is blinded by my own selfish needs. I don't think it is but sometimes things are disguised and one may not be able to tell. Most likely their marriage is going to end after he sees he can't change her because people never change. They improve things but the core stays the same. And if someone is causing negative changes in you, then they're not the right person.
I think people are going to meet other people that they will fall in love with but that person doesn't love them as much or simple they aren't right for each other. Sometimes it's going to take them long to realize this but soon they will see that they need to leave that person and try new things. It's not going to be easy because getting used to someone it's stronger than love, but if anyone hopes to find the "perfect" fit, they're going to have experience heartbreak, confusion, depression and many more things. I believe in destiny and that all things happen for a reason. And that every puzzle piece falls into it's designated place. We don't have the right answer to any questions so we travel the road to see where it takes us and hope for a better find. Hoping to find the right answer, which inadvertently will be discover one day.

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